I didn't expect to have the reaction that I received with my last post regarding my struggle with menopause and the changes that I have been going through both physically and mentally. My words of frustration seems to have resonated with quite a few people leaving me stunned as to why we don't talk about these things but only utter silent screams that no one hears.
Women have been going through the "The Change" forever and yet it is still treated like a taboo subject. I suppose it's a little like talking about death - many feel it's unpleasant but an inevitable life event. It saddens me that there isn't an openness about menopause that other taboo subjects are experiencing. How are we ever going to know what we are facing without the necessary support and understanding from our friends and peers, how are we going to get through it? Our world is struck by an epidemic of loneliness, we just don't talk to each other anymore. We don't share our lives because they are not Facebook perfect. We hide behind masks of unflappable composure when inside we are uncertain and afraid and desperately just need the hand of another to hold. We feel that we are too ordinary to be there for someone else - what good would my life experience do, my life is too plain! But you are wrong.
Every hot flash you go through, every moment of anxiety or mood swing, is another string to your bow of experience. It is one more experience that you have had, that another starting out on the journey has not. You have so much to offer and I don't mean advice necessarily. We feel that if we have the answer, then we are worth something and have something of value to offer but that couldn't be further from the truth. The most profound moments that I have had at my most vulnerable, have been when a friend just sat with me. We didn't talk a lot, we just shared quietly and vulnerably the things that lay heavily on out hearts and in the quiet moments, wisdom came. Sometimes from the words but often from our own hearts as the garbled thoughts formed themselves into words and then into solutions or into encouragement. We need more of that...encouragement. It isn't weakness to confess that I have become a wreck when I am a passenger in a car. I am anxious and constantly fearful and I have no reason to mistrust the drivers that I am with. My logical brain tells me that it is hormone driven but that doesn't make me fear things less. I remember a trip down a mountain pass when I was pregnant with my eldest daughter. Her Dad is an excellent driver, but I recall bursting into tears as I saw steep corners racing towards me and I had a feeling of utter panic. Again I knew that it was just hormone induced fear and I sobbed the words, "Please just ignore me, my hormones are just out of whack!" He slowed down to a crawl until I was coherent again and we both laughed - me out of embarrassment at the loss of my usual control and him because he was dumbfounded at this blubbering mess of a wife who was usually a confident, levelheaded driver herself. Many years later, I understand things better and now I just close my eyes and breathe quietly until I feel calmer. I am lucky as I don't have the debilitating anxiety and depression that so many women suffer during menopause, but I wish my girlfriends around me had the freedom to say, "Just sit with me," when life turns them upside down.
Let's make time for each other - heaven knows, the men don't have time for the crazy women we turn into as they struggle to keep the raging beast at bay! I must confess that I am sure my husband is going to be sainted as his patience has no end - well not yet at least! He instinctively knows when he needs to leave me alone or give me the cuddle I really need and I am enormously grateful for his support but not every woman has that, and that's why we need each other.
Lets talk about things and let me know if you have any hints or tips that I can share with others as we wade through this hormonal soup!
Saturday, 27 April 2019
Thursday, 25 April 2019
Turning 50
When my 50th birthday approached last year, I thought that it would be just another birthday and that the following months would simply be a moving forward towards 51. I couldn't have been more wrong. I knew that menopause was somewhere on the horizon and that I would meet it reluctantly along the way, but it has been the mental shift that has surprised me the most.
My last blog post spoke of a need for simplicity in my life and that has remained true. I have indeed downsized my possessions and feel happier within myself for having done so. The pleasure of putting an item back in its place and not trying to force it into a space that got smaller somehow since removing it - I am sure things multiply on their own - has been gratifying. Things still creep into my home and start to clutter areas and I find that my mental clutter starts to mount up along with it. It is then I know that I need to spring into action and stem the tide once more. I thought that one decluttered and that was that well, apparently not so. I have discovered that it is an ongoing process...
The other thing that I noticed was that I really don't enjoy shopping as much as I once did. Mentally I look at items and think about the places that would beautify my home or garden, that perfect item for a friend or something my daughters would love but the action of actually purchasing it, doesn't happen much anymore. I now view stuff from a totally different angle - would it serve a purpose, is there space for it, would it replace something that is old and worn out? I still enjoy beautiful things, don't get me wrong - watch me going through my favourite garden centre and see the inner dialogue going on about whether I really NEED that perfect vase for long stemmed flowers or that cute canvas with the truism written on it in swirling lettering. But somehow I find myself enjoying, dreaming and then walking out of the store with a smile on my face knowing I am returning to my home with only the things I came to buy with a purpose in mind. I suppose one could say that I have turned into a Mindfull Shopper - go figure.
There has also been a shift in the way I approach the world. It has been with a lot more calm and patience. Elbert Hubbard said, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." So, I have been given a heap of lemons, proverbially speaking and I am not sure how to turn them to lemonade. I have full faith that I will find a way somehow, there always seems to be an out, and it will just be a matter of time. As I have said before, I am not the most patient person, but perhaps God has a plan to force me to turn into one. He certainly is pushing me in that direction and I am kicking and screaming all the way. At some stage I am going to have to meekly take the bridle and submit, and I am sure that this will be the gentlest and most sensible thing to do. However at this point, I am still convinced that I can stubbornly do things on my own. Submit, submit, submit, my angel whispers in my ear...Work, quietly chipping away and the tools will be given to you. Doors will close, doors will open. Patience. And so in fact, patience has come along, or is it possibly a realisation that I really cannot control everything and that is hard for an utter control freak to admit.
The physical changes that turning 50 has foisted on me are not so pleasant and those I am facing with somewhat less grace. One moment I was blissfully unaware of hot flashes and night sweats and the next I am putting my hands in the freezer as I feel the heat radiating from them! I have always had ice-cold extremities - well no longer unless they are freezer produced. Deciding what to wear has become the challenge as I contemplate how fast an item of clothing can be shed to cool down when everyone else is dressed up to the eyeballs in winter woolies. Layers have never been quite such an important consideration up to now and my daughters find it hilarious as I hang out of the car window like an air-cooled engine as they laughingly offer to drive faster for more wind action. I smile internally as I mutter, "Your turn will come!" Truth be told, I can cope with the heat but what really gets me is the insomnia. Waking up in the middle of the night or in the early hours of the morning and being so much awake that I could quite happily start the day only to find myself crashing in the afternoon or wanting to go to bed at 7:30pm. Where have all my wild dreams of being a swinging 50's party animal gone?
As I navigate through the months to come, I am determined to go through this period in my life naturally. I am overhauling my diet and taking time to figure out what are the things that are important to me. I tend to not take as much care of myself as much as I should and I want to change that. It may mean less social time - not that I have a roaring social life - or more long walks on the beach, more time painting and completing the myriad of art projects I have scattered around my study or just taking time to sit quietly and reflect. I am sure that I am not alone in this quest and that its not only for us overheating quinquagenerians - yup that's a word - but for many people in this crazy busy world. So whilst you chew on my musings, please excuse me while it go and find a freezer.
My last blog post spoke of a need for simplicity in my life and that has remained true. I have indeed downsized my possessions and feel happier within myself for having done so. The pleasure of putting an item back in its place and not trying to force it into a space that got smaller somehow since removing it - I am sure things multiply on their own - has been gratifying. Things still creep into my home and start to clutter areas and I find that my mental clutter starts to mount up along with it. It is then I know that I need to spring into action and stem the tide once more. I thought that one decluttered and that was that well, apparently not so. I have discovered that it is an ongoing process...
The other thing that I noticed was that I really don't enjoy shopping as much as I once did. Mentally I look at items and think about the places that would beautify my home or garden, that perfect item for a friend or something my daughters would love but the action of actually purchasing it, doesn't happen much anymore. I now view stuff from a totally different angle - would it serve a purpose, is there space for it, would it replace something that is old and worn out? I still enjoy beautiful things, don't get me wrong - watch me going through my favourite garden centre and see the inner dialogue going on about whether I really NEED that perfect vase for long stemmed flowers or that cute canvas with the truism written on it in swirling lettering. But somehow I find myself enjoying, dreaming and then walking out of the store with a smile on my face knowing I am returning to my home with only the things I came to buy with a purpose in mind. I suppose one could say that I have turned into a Mindfull Shopper - go figure.
There has also been a shift in the way I approach the world. It has been with a lot more calm and patience. Elbert Hubbard said, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." So, I have been given a heap of lemons, proverbially speaking and I am not sure how to turn them to lemonade. I have full faith that I will find a way somehow, there always seems to be an out, and it will just be a matter of time. As I have said before, I am not the most patient person, but perhaps God has a plan to force me to turn into one. He certainly is pushing me in that direction and I am kicking and screaming all the way. At some stage I am going to have to meekly take the bridle and submit, and I am sure that this will be the gentlest and most sensible thing to do. However at this point, I am still convinced that I can stubbornly do things on my own. Submit, submit, submit, my angel whispers in my ear...Work, quietly chipping away and the tools will be given to you. Doors will close, doors will open. Patience. And so in fact, patience has come along, or is it possibly a realisation that I really cannot control everything and that is hard for an utter control freak to admit.
The physical changes that turning 50 has foisted on me are not so pleasant and those I am facing with somewhat less grace. One moment I was blissfully unaware of hot flashes and night sweats and the next I am putting my hands in the freezer as I feel the heat radiating from them! I have always had ice-cold extremities - well no longer unless they are freezer produced. Deciding what to wear has become the challenge as I contemplate how fast an item of clothing can be shed to cool down when everyone else is dressed up to the eyeballs in winter woolies. Layers have never been quite such an important consideration up to now and my daughters find it hilarious as I hang out of the car window like an air-cooled engine as they laughingly offer to drive faster for more wind action. I smile internally as I mutter, "Your turn will come!" Truth be told, I can cope with the heat but what really gets me is the insomnia. Waking up in the middle of the night or in the early hours of the morning and being so much awake that I could quite happily start the day only to find myself crashing in the afternoon or wanting to go to bed at 7:30pm. Where have all my wild dreams of being a swinging 50's party animal gone?
As I navigate through the months to come, I am determined to go through this period in my life naturally. I am overhauling my diet and taking time to figure out what are the things that are important to me. I tend to not take as much care of myself as much as I should and I want to change that. It may mean less social time - not that I have a roaring social life - or more long walks on the beach, more time painting and completing the myriad of art projects I have scattered around my study or just taking time to sit quietly and reflect. I am sure that I am not alone in this quest and that its not only for us overheating quinquagenerians - yup that's a word - but for many people in this crazy busy world. So whilst you chew on my musings, please excuse me while it go and find a freezer.
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